1. Killing a bat with a whip should be an Olympic sport.
  2. An exit is defined as “A door on the other side of the room. Crap.”
  3. The native home of snakes is inside that pot you just decided to whip, probably.
  4. A terrorist is merely a person who forgot which button does what.
  5. Spiders are assholes.

Bonus: It’s entirely possible the last Ice Age was caused by a herd of wooly mammoths with the sniffles.

If I’m not making any sense go play Spelunky, scrape your confidence off the floor and then come back and reread this list.

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